I need serious advice

Sorry this might be a long post..

Me and my boyfriend have been together for 5 years (I’m 22 he’s 25). We are both each others firsts. The past 1 1/2-2 years I haven’t been feeling that connection / chemistry anymore. About a year and a half ago we went on a “break” due to these reasons and I was very depressed in our relationship. The break only lasted about a week. I ended it mainly because a “friend” of both of ours at the time tried to “get with me” and I felt disgusted and scared so I ran back to my boyfriend. He doesn’t give me the attention like he used to. He thinks buying me things will make me love him. But I don’t care about those things. I’d rather have attention and feel love. Idk I’m just so confused. Like on one hand I feel like I shouldn’t feel like this and deserve to find something better and on another hand I feel like I shouldn’t give up. He knows how I feel, we’ve had this talk countless of times . But nothing ever really changes. And to be honest, I think maybe I have changed because I just don’t have this I’m in love feeling anymore. Like that deep connection you have with someone , I don’t feel it. I don’t even want to do anything physical with him because I just don’t feel that spark between us. For the past year we probably only had sex like 2-3 times a month if that. My head tells me to let go but my heart is telling me to hold on and idk what to do 😭😣 I love him and care for him but just don’t have that specific feeling anymore If you know what I mean. I just want an outside opinion on what you think.

Am I a horrible person for feeling like this?