In the past few years I’m underperforming at school and this is primarily due to my anxiety. It doesn’t allow me to study efficiently and effectively. This causes a downturn in my confidence in many factors and not only academically.

I’ll start with some points that worry me:

1. Trying so hard but not achieving anything

2. Getting emotional very easily and really often (usually for no reason, I might be driving and suddenly start crying without anything bothering me)

3. Procrastinating more than enough

4. Suicidal thoughts (not that much though, maybe once a month) but I “enjoy” listening to sand and dark songs about suicide.

5. Worrying about things 24/7

6. Having panic attacks over small things yet being calm and passive over more serious things (eg. I may panic for the printer “printing too slow” but not panic when my 6 year old brother injures himself and cries)

7. feelings of worthlessness and questioning the reason for my existence, my role in life

8. Feeling that I have no friends, and that my family is to busy to care about me

9. Nightmares (~1 per week)

10. Insomnia/ waking up in middle of night

11. Not eating well at all (for example yesterday I probably ate a sum of only 500-600calories). Generally my BMI is considered underweight, and I recently tried eating about 2500calories/day in order to gain weight but that lasted about 4 days and my stress took over my food.

These are the main worries I have, and I think I clearly have anxiety. Tomorrow I have a veeeeeerrry important examination which will determine if I’ll get into university or not. The in the papers I solved today I got in most of them below 50% and bursted into tears. I used to do much better like 3 days ago but I don’t know what happened now. I don’t feel ready for it and I’m really afraid that I’ll do something crazy. My suicide thoughts came back more vividly than ever but I know it’s not worth doing this to myself over an exam. I just want really bad prove myself that I can do it for once. I’m so tired of failure. I’m so over it. I don’t understand how people can do well and I can’t.

I just feel like I never had so much anxiety in my life. It has just peaked and that’s killing me. I don’t know how to control it. Last night I had to get 2 valerian pills in order to sleep because of my stress not allowing me to. I’m not used to taking paracetamol but I think tonight I’ll need it because of how bad my headache is. My mum is really worried about me. My predictions for tonight are either fainting or vomiting. I’m so tired of this, I need HELP 😞

Please leave me some tips on anxiety control and exam stress. I really need to do well tomorrow but I’m not seeing myself doing so.