So my boyfriend, (ex now), has drank literally since the day I told him I was pregnant. It wasn’t like it was a surprise or anything because we had been trying. I’m 36 weeks now and this whole time has been nothing but drama really. I think I am to blame for the first bit of it because pregnancy really did wreck me mentally. I’ve felt like the whole time he hasn’t supported me though. Like I’ve never felt like I’ve had him.

Fast forward to yesterday, we thought my water had broke so I went in. They said they didn’t think that’s what was happening but they weren’t sure. ( idk how they can not be sure about something like that) but they were wanting to monitor me for awhile and I was having contractions 4 mins apart and all of my nurses looked really worried. They called my dr in to check me and stuff, and he said that since I had been there so long and nothing was progressing that I could leave. So I did. My boyfriend was with me for all of that. I ended up calling my mom to come to and neither of them handled any of it well. At the end of it all i decided that I should’ve just been alone.

So the next day(today), I just wanna stay in bed because my whole body is sore from getting checked and stuff so many times. My boyfriend had a drs appointment so he goes, and then decided that he wants to go out. So I’m like whatever, i think thats kind of bullshit because I was literally going to be alone at that point. He said he was gunna get some beer for Halloween, because we were planning on going to this little restaurant event with my mom, which was fine but he has no self control. I knew that if he got beer today he would be drinking but he swore he wasn’t.

It’s now 10 at night and I tell him I want to go to bed so if he could get here before 12 so my mom could let him in that would be cool. He says he’ll be home soon. About 12:30 I call him and he’s drunk as hell. I ended up telling him to just not come home, and I’m sick of being lied to all of the time.

I feel really not cared about because it was already selfish to not be here with me, and even more to not come home when I asked so that I could rest. We always get into it when he drinks and I’ve asked him to stop but he just does it anyway apparently. I feel like I’ve given him 8 months now to grow up and adjust to becoming a dad but it’s like he’s took all of this time to just get drunk and do what he wants. My drs told me that I won’t make it to even 39 weeks, and I just feel super alone. I feel cheated. I waited around for something that I deep down probably knew wouldn’t happen but I was hoping at the bare minimum he could grow up and be there for me for the last week or two. I don’t even know what to do anymore. I’m holding to not letting him back in my house, and I even told him I didn’t want him in the room when the baby’s born. I know that sounds bitter but I’m hurt. If he would’ve shown some kind of effort I wouldve let him but he can’t even sit with me and I’m scared of everything and just feel really not comfortable with any of it. I don’t think it’s fare that I’ve put up with everything from him and did it all by myself just for him to still be apart of it? I know it’s his kid too but at this point, I’m already uncomfortable enough about everything and I don’t want his unsupportive ass there too. I think everyone deserves to have someone go through this with them, but I haven’t had that and now I’m not even going to have a family like I wanted.