My daughter comes first. ✌️

It’s been a hard day. To make a veryyy long story short, I’ve always had some type of issue with my stepfather. I’ve given him chances, but every time it’s just the same cycles, the same feelings, and it turns into I’M the one with a problem and that needs to change, I’m in the wrong, etc etc. But I’ve put up with it for the sake of keeping my relationship with my mom. My mom and his relationship is dysfunctional, emotionally abusive, and a whole lotta wackadoodle things.  

Well, the first time my stepfather held my daughter, red flags were going off. My husband and I both felt it. It was something in our spirits that just was signaling to us it’s not good for her to be around him. We toiled over it for weeks (our little one is 11 weeks now). We sought counsel from some dear friends and other Christians, and we kept ourselves in check. The feeling was still there. The counsel we received confirmed that gut feeling. They could sense it too. We knew that the issue was going to come to a head with my family eventually. Well…it finally did.

Part of the advice we had received was that if I wanted to keep a relationship with my mom but not cause a huge fuss, have my husband be around when/if my stepfather is. My husband is the spiritual head of our family, and his influence will be greater than that of my stepfathers (to put it simply, it’s a bit more complex but it makes total sense). But the other advice was that I needed to trust that feeling (and I’ve asked God for clarity and to give me more to go on, and OH BOY did He). Something about being a parent just turns on or heightens certain spiritual discernments. And that’s been the case.

Sooo anyways. I was invited to dinner tonight while my husband is at work. I let my mom know I was uncomfortable without my husband there because of that feeling. Needless to say that wasn’t received well. I was told by my mom that my stepfather is her family, and if he’s not welcome around then she won’t have a relationship with me. She also told me to seek different counsel (received it from MULTIPLE people I trust and have great discernment, relationships with God, etc.), and that the enemy was just making me feel this way. She continued saying that I just have never liked my stepfather and never gave him a chance, so that’s the problem.

She never hears what I’m saying. She never has. My feelings have stopped really mattering to her, even if my feelings are sound and have good reason. Even worse, she’s just become emotionally manipulative with me. If it’s not that, it’s my stepfather using my mom to manipulate and bully me into what he wants. It’s so messed up.

BUT while the fear of losing my relationship with my mom and my daughter not going to have a relationship with her grandmother terrifies me, I know that this is the right decision. The day I got married, my husband became my family. The family we create will always come before the family I came from.  

While it hurts and breaks my heart it has to be this way, I’m also experiencing the most calming sense of peace. So much stress about the whole situation has been lifted off my shoulders. My husband and I will protect our daughter and do what needs to be done for her sake.