Don’t like my dad but don’t want to lose the rest

TL;DR at the bottom

So I’m conflicted.

My dad is kind of an asshole.

He kicked me out in July, a couple weeks before my birthday over stupid things.

He didn’t like that I was intimate with my boyfriend (who he’d never met btw.)

He said a lot of really awful things like how my bf didn’t love me and was using me and that he’d have to pick me up off the ground when my bf would inevitably dump me.

Keep in mind, he’d never met him because my parents are ridiculous about relationships so I didn’t tell him I was seeing this guy.

He’s a super super religious Christian pastor, and he kinda has anger problems.

He’s gotten better about it over the years but still gets very aggressive in his speech very quickly.

He was never physically abusive unless you include spanking or arm grabbing, that sort of thing.

Anyways, I digress.

Since my bf and I aren’t married (yet), he won’t even get dinner with us.

He said straight up that he won’t “endorse your relationship until you’re married”, which to him, means he won’t even have any sort of part in my life.

The day after I was kicked out, you wouldn’t even know I ever lived there. My sister told me they threw out my bed, and anything else I’d left was put into boxes for me to come pick up or they would toss it too. (That was my mom who kept it for me to have a chance to come get the rest.)

My brother, on the other hand, moved out a couple weeks later as he’d had planned for months due to a new job. His stuff is still in his room the way he left it months ago.

It’s small things but it sends a message loud and clear.

Anyways, to get to the point.

My bf and I are planning on getting married, both for the financial advantages, the ease and peace it will give his also religious parents (they are still in our life, they invite us to dinner and like spending time with us,) and because WE want to.

That’s one thing we discussed from the beginning of the whole fiasco with my parents, is that we will get married when and because WE want to.

And we do!

I got my ring size this week and we’ve even looking at styles of bands and stuff. We’re thinking next summer for the wedding.

Anyways, I digress again.

My dad begged my bf to marry me so that the church will stop giving him shit for his kid “living in sin”, and even told my bf to go to the courthouse and sign the papers to get it over with.

My bf told him he thought I deserved a beautiful wedding, and we won’t rush it.

Now to my main point. (Sorry this is so long).

I don’t really want to invite my dad to the wedding. Once we’re married I’m sure he will pull a 180 and expect us all to have a good relationship but I say no screw that. He doesn’t get to decide when he’s in my life based off convenience for him. He can’t just disown me one day then once I check off his boxes come back into my life. I’m not an obstacle.

That being said, I do want my mom and siblings there. I know if I don’t invite him it would cause MASSIVE problems, the rest of my family wouldn’t know if they should come, my dad would be really hurt, and even tho he’s hurt me, I’ll let karma take care of that, it’s not my personality to get people back.

I def won’t have him walk me down the aisle.

Any advice on how to approach this situation would be great.

Also, speaking of walking down the aisle, if anyone has alternative ideas to their father walking them, I’d love to hear them! I could walk myself, but I also kinda want someone there with me. I don’t really have any uncles or close relatives who I’d feel fit the role, so I might have to settle to just walk myself.

Thanks!

TL;DR: My asshole dad who kicked me out wont even see me until I’m married to my bf,

We are getting married next year sometime, but because we want to, it’s not for my dad.

I don’t really want him at (or especially in) the wedding, but I know I have to invite him to get the rest of my family there.

How do I avoid drama or conflict when I want this to be a stress-free, relaxing, beautiful wedding with lots of happiness and peace? I