13 yr old with a 25 yr old

So I'm staying anonymous ❤❤

So I'm turning 22 this month.

When I was 13 I had a "secret relationship" with a 25 year old. He became one of my moms friends. We ended up getting close and I fell for him 🤷🏼‍♀️

Anyways, fast forward months down the road into our relationship and I started sneaking out and I lost my virginity to him. This went on for a while.

Anyways, we got caught (I was sneaking back home and my mom who was drunk at the time had gotten mad at her boyfriend and walked down the road, we crossed paths.)

Relationship eventually ended even though we tried to keep it going after he ran from the cops.

Fast forward to me now, I'm almost 22 and I couldn't ever see myself being even attracted to a 13-14 year old

So here lately I've just been thinking about it a lot. I don't really even know why I'm posting this. I never talk to my family members about the situation and how I feel cause I would feel judged. But during that time of my life it was very... idk, traumatic?? Rape kits, detectives, getting called all kinds of different names.

I would like to say I'm very happy now with my loving husband💓💓💓.

Just sometimes when I start thinking about it I kind of get mixed feelings. I wonder if he actually loved me, or if he knew it was wrong, or felt bad about being 13-14 year old.

Idk.

Anyways, I hope y'all have a very blessed day ❤❤