SAHM. At what point am I asking too much?
So for a bit of perspective, I've known my fiance for 17 years. Since we were in kindergarten. We have been together for 7 of those, engaged for almost 2. We had a son 8 months ago so postponed the wedding.
He is a veteran with PTSD as well as ADHD, we also both suffer from anxiety. So things get difficult sometimes, but I've always been there for him.
He is in the first two years of getting a business started and it's been insanely difficult. I have always been the bread winner and have been helping and supporting him, financially and mentally since he made the decision to start this business. When I got pregnant, I had to stop working at 3 months because of the nature of my job. As well as we mutually decided we were not comfortable with putting our son in daycare for a while. You can imagine this change in funds caused huge strains. I also was no longer able to help financially with his business and equipment he still needed to really be comfortable. (Snow removal and landscaping). This is when I started noticing subtle changes in him. Snappy, short, glued to his phone etc. I figure this is just stress because of our changes in situation. I felt them too.
His truck broke down, so I let him drive mine. Which led to me being stuck in the house, everyday, my entire pregnancy. He let it go to shit. Zero maintenance, even though I was told differently. He also stopped paying the insurance and allowed it to cancel. I also did not know this. He found himself a truck and mine is still sitting there, a year later, undriveable. Seeing as I'm not working, I cannot help myself in the slightest. I haven't left my house since my son was born 8 months ago. Other than doctors appointments.
I of course was angry about my truck, still am. I say something once or so a week but I know he is trying and stressed so I try not to lay it on too hard.
Since my son arrived, it's like there is a strange man in my house. One I do not like.
He is gone for 12 or more hours a day "working" but yet when I ask for formula, diapers, wipes, a coat for our son, or even just clothes that fit him, he doesnt have the money. It's like pulling teeth and always a fight. I've given up on asking for anything I need. Makeup, shampoo, body wash... forget it. It's even difficult getting him to buy toothpaste.
What gets me the most is food. Our house has been empty for months. He eats out everyday, doesnt bring me anything back, and refuses to get groceries. I think I get about 20 a month from him when we go. The rest is my WIC. That's it. My friends bring me food sometimes because they are amazing.
My blood pressure and stress are crazy. My doctor has put me on a BP med and xanax 3 times a day. Says I'm right under hypertensive crisis and is worried for me. I think my heart cant take much more.
Am I asking too much? Do you think he feels unappreciated? There hasn't been much intimacy because of his attitude and flat out refusal to care. He just wants to play his video games when he is home. I get zero help with the baby. Not even one washed bottle. So it does make it hard to want to be intimate and maybe I'm causing this.
Could he have PPD? I know it's not talked about much but I fully believe it's a thing.
I have tried everything. When I attempt any talk, I make sure to pick my words and tone correctly as to not sound condescending or unappreciative. Regardless of what I do or say he gets defensive and walks away. That's that. If I follow and try to press him I get called all types of things. So I stopped doing that. His anger is getting crazy and he is starting to throw and break things. His patience is zero and I don't know how to help. Or if I even should anymore. This is not healthy for my son.
Is this on me? Or do I need an exit strategy?
I put that I've known this man for 17 years to hopefully establish clearly that I do know him.... or who he used to be. And these things changed when I got pregnant. This is why im asking if it could be PPD. 😔 Also why I am asking if it's time for an exit strategy.