I want to stay anonymous, but i want to take this off my chest.

About 6 months ago i found out my husband of 14 year was talking to another woman. He had been talking with this women for over a year. He said he meet her at a gas station and she was always flirting with him. After two week he decided to ask for her number. And well after that the communication with them only stayed over the phone. They never met up or anything like that.

Well this all happen in March of 2018. In October of 2018 i find out am pregnant with out fifth child. We have five children together. During my pregnancy he continued to talk to this other woman. Unfortunately for him, and this is the worst part for me, the day after giving birth i find some messages through Facebook were he was talking sexually toward her. I freaked i start to cry i lost it. The day after having our son. We came home i decide to put it to the side and not acknowledge it. A month later he gets a phone call from a unknown number. To me its very strange because he never gets phone calls from unknown numbers. So i go and start looking into my call logs and thats when i find out that he has been cheating for over a year. And even though i caught him the day after giving birth he still continued to talk to this woman. Finally it comes to a stop. At that point i ask him to leave and to give me the divorce. He refuses up until this day. He has apologized and said that he loves me. He says that thats all it was was talking it never meant anything to him. He has begged for me to forgive him. We are still together but i have asked him to leave and give me the divorce. But like i said he doesn’t want to give me the divorce cuz he regrets what he did and wants to make up for his mistake. How do i go on. It been 6 months and the still feels like it was yesterday. There is not a day i don’t cry and try to understand why he did this. The bad part is i have no support. I have no one to talk to. We have been married for 14 years. But there is more to just him cheating. He has been disrespectful, i don’t feel like he appreciates me. He has chosen his family before me and our children. And yes all five children are his. I have been hurt so many times and so many ways i don’t know if i should continue with him and try to work thing out or just call it quites and get a divorce. He has been more helpful, he has been more support we also started going to a marriage counseling with in our church. But i still feel unsure of wanting to be with him. He saids its cuz am afraid that he will do this again. But he has assured me that it will never happen again. He says he regret taking me for granted. He has apologized so may time. What should i do? I am lost and confused. I love him but am tried of being hurt. And what really hurts me is during my pregnancy i had a really tough pregnancy and he obviously was to busy to care for me cuz he was to busy talking to some one else. Just like when i gave birth and every important day that was suppose to be a special time for us he was talking to some one else. I don’t seem to get past all that. Am not sure if time will heal all this pain or if the divorce is the best solution.