Marriage falling apart, comparing to last relationship.

My husband and I are in our early twenties. We’re married with one baby. Our relationship had some struggles, but was for the most part, fine. Our son has disabilities, which has taken some adjustment along with having a newborn in general.

Our relationship has become strained. I caught him on a dating site (he still claims he didn’t know it was a dating site, says he thought it was porn). We fought about it and then he left in the middle of the night and disabled his location. Came back after a few hours and when I asked where he went he said “don’t worry about it” before claiming he was in the parking lot outside.

We don’t have sex, at all. He smokes weed constantly and withdraws cash from the ATM and “doesn’t remember” what it’s for. I don’t even attempt to do my makeup or talk to him or anything.

My last relationship was very toxic, but I always tried really hard. I wrote him letters, dressed up, surprised him with dinner, planned date nights, and even at the end of that relationship we were still having sex constantly. Even AFTER we broke up (I know).

I can’t even look at my husband now. Whenever I get the urge to hug him or anything, everything just floods back into my head. I literally get an upset stomach being around him, it’s disgusting and weird.

I don’t know what to do. I’ve told him we’ve needed counseling and he hasn’t taken any initiative. I wanted him to set it up because it’s always me doing everything (taking our kid to all of the appointments, managing bills, etc. he does none of it).

I really need some help.