How did you forgive your loved one?

Question

I need unsure if I need advice or If I need knowledge perhaps so I wanted to ask you wonderful people for your stories. 
Id love to hear all your stories about how you over came a bad situation and were able to forgive and move forward. 
Now it doesnt have to be anything in particular, it could be about your sister who showed up drunk to your wedding and ruined the ceremony, or finding out that your best friend has been stealing alot of money from you, or that your SO has been cheating on you for 6 months even though you have 3 kids, your neighbor ran over your dog. Idk. I am just wanting to see everyone's points of veiw on forgiveness, and how they did it. And if it did or did not lead there relationship into success. Or if your still working on that trust. You get the picture.

Answer

No matter how forgiving a person may be, the memories of how they have been "wronged" will always remain.

I will forgive others, not for their benefit but for my own.  Forgiving others is not about accepting their wrongdoings; forgiving others is about ridding yourself of negative feelings and energies and finding peace within yourself.

"Psychologists generally define forgiveness as a conscious, deliberate decision to release feelings of resentment or vengeance toward a person or group who has harmed you, regardless of whether they actually deserve your forgiveness."-- http://greatergood.berkeley.edu/topic/forgiveness/definition

Answer

My question is not so much how you forgive them but how the hell do you learn to trust them again when they've given you so many reasons not too!

Answer

My abusive father walked away from our family when I was 9 years old. I didn't see him again until his funeral when I was 23. I didn't want to go because I still had a lot of anger towards him. I eventually decided to go (at the urging of my sister who said "You need to feel this. You need to go through the pain and heal.") and it was the most empty I've ever felt. My brothers had kept in contact with my dad and everyone knew my dad had sons, but no one knew who my sister and I were. It was like having my heart broken all over again. At the private viewing I didn't know what to say to him so I said, "Dad, I forgive you." It was so freeing. I just let my anger and hatred be buried with him. It was done. There was nothing left to be angry about and I chose to move on.

Answer

My grandmother has been high on medicine as long as I remember. She used to fall asleep being so high and my dad (he was only 6) made my uncle (who was only 3) all of his bottles because she never fed them. She used to do this to me. I wanted to hang out with her since she is my grandma. She would take OxyContin and Percocets and Vicodin until she would pass out. I had to make myself dinner and lunch. I was only 5. She had taken me to a flea market and got so high that she left me in a stroller and I sat there in my stroller until a cop came by and had helped me and called my mom. My whole family doesn't talk to her because she is so fucked up in the head. She claims she doesn't do any of this stuff. She is in denial.

I'm getting married in July and I still haven't forgiven her for what she had done to my family and I. She recently got so fucked up that she started yelling at my fiancé during a family reunion about drinking a beer and how it's not good for you. In front of the whole family.

Won't forgive her and never will.

Answer

My husband cheated on me a month into our marriage.  I found out a few weeks later when I was using his phone and the other woman had text him.  He had told me that he had a Christmas lunch to go to at work so I wouldn't ask why he wasn't dressed in uniform. He asked to drive my car since it was nicer than his truck.  Well he drove 2 hrs to meet this girl at a hotel because she was also married.  So he went and slept with her and came straight home to me.  A few weeks later I saw the text where she was asking him did he love her.  So I acted as I was him and I asked her why was she asking me that,  she should know the answer by what I have told her in the past and that's when she text back and says I know you told me that you love me as much as your wife.  At that moment my heart died. Me and my husband fought for awhile but I decided I wanted to know why and the only way I could consider forgiving him was to know the answers to everything.  It was the hardest thing I have ever had to deal with.  It's been a year since all of this and we couldn't be happier.  I can't say I fully trust him yet but I'm getting there.  He saw how much it hurt me and he has been trying his best to show me that he only loves me and is going to make things better for us.

Answer

I think there's three major things I've worked on or am still working on.

1. My biological father choosing to raise his three sons, and have nothing to do with me.

2. The person who took advantage of me.

3. Being in an abusive relationship for two and a half years.

In all honestly, I'm working on the first two still. I've kind of pushed them in the back of my mind though and just tell myself I've gotten passed it. My biological father died when I was 17 and at some point I just stopped thinking about him. Number two only comes up with certain triggers.

I think I got over being in an abusive relationship, once I was truly happy with my current relationship. My ex is in the exact same position he was when I met him, while I've grown into this amazing relationship with a very bright future.

I focus on the good in my life and ignore the bad things or people that have happened to me.

Answer

Our friend stole my husbands gopro from our house after getting into percocet and also stole checks from another friend.... We have not forgiven him.

How did you forgive your loved one?

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