Is that I’m a step mom

Let me explain

Every month I hope to give my husband a baby. A sibling for his daughter. A baby of my own.

Every month I realize that only one woman in his life has been able to do this for him

And it wasn’t me

I love my step daughter

I want to give her a sibling

But I hate knowing that baby mama is always going to be the First Lady until I can give my husband a child

She will always be loved more than I am because she gave him a baby that I can’t

I know you think “it’s probably in your mind” and I know my husband wouldn’t hurt me by saying it

But I know he has more love for her than me because of his daughter

That if he had to chose between saving me or her in a hypothetical situation- he would chose her

So every month when I get my period its just a reminder that I’m always going to be second. And the two times I got pregnant I miscarried which makes me feel like even more of a failure. And I feel like I may never give my husband another child and I may always have to feel less valued than another woman.

And I’ve had to listen to his stories of his daughters birth and the life he shared with this other woman before me and the fact that they have a stronger and more valuable bond than I have with him. A bond that I may never have with my husband.

And!! On top of that, I have the same birthday as his baby mama. Which means I know every year he thinks of her on MY birthday.

It’s heart breaking.