What’s the process of getting either full custody or having the child in your care the most? (Terrible wording I know sorry)

This is going to be a long post sorry.

My boyfriend (soon to be ex) is totally unreliable and will disappear for hours without replying and I’m scared he’ll take off with the baby when she’s born and I won’t know where they are. He smokes weed daily which I just don’t want around the baby or myself at all as it is illegal in our country. (Not saying people that smoke are bad people! I just personally don’t want it round the baby). He also uses other drugs on nights out. He has not contributed financially in anyway towards the crib, car seat, clothes, doctors appointments/scans. He literally will spend his money on camping things, take away (when we have dinner cooked at home) and talks about going on all these holidays. Yet he finishes each week with negative $50-150 in his account. He claims he wants us to move into a rental together but I’m scared because he’s irresponsible with money that I will be left struggling for baby essentials like nappies each week. As he has never offered to even buy her (the baby) a blanket. He refuses to take his car to a mechanic to service and will just do it himself. But his car barely turns on and has legit turned off whilst us driving which is just scary. I told him I’d like him to get it properly serviced or traded in before the baby comes because it’s unsafe. He opened the glove box the other day and there were parts of his engine in there, and I was like um don’t they need to be in the engine, and he replied yeh but it’s running fine without them. He’s just really immature and irresponsible.

He also has started holding my puppy too hard and hurting him, making him Yelp. That’s a big reason I want to leave him. He use to be really loving but now he’s gotten really rough with the puppy and I ask him to stop and he gets all upset and says he’s not doing anything. Then 5 mins later he will do it again. My dog is a dachshund so they have sensitive backs and you need to be careful whilst holding them. And I just feel he does not respect my wishes in regards to the treatment of my dog and so I don’t bring my dog around him much anymore.

His parents are really upset and disappointed in his behaviour and how uncaring and unsupportive he’s been to me during all this. He made me drive myself to the hospital at midnight one night because I was having complications but he wanted to sleep (he didn’t have work or anything) and then he didn’t even contact me the next day to find out what happened. I also found out he’s been on tinder looking for a “fun time” whilst I’ve been pregnant and he’s been talking to other girls on and off our whole relationship. Which just hurts how he could risk passing an STD or something to myself/baby and risking our health. This is all coming from a guy saying he wants us to be together and get married and cries when I say I want to break up because he doesn’t think he will be able to live without me. But in my mind, if you really loved someone and cared for them, you wouldn’t hurt or cheat on them like that.

I’ve told him if he doesn’t think he’s ready for a baby. He can leave and I won’t ask for anything from him if he fully does. I’m not forcing the baby on him at all. He says it’s his kid and he’s going to be there regardless.

I’ve moved back into my parents house as it’s a large house and they’ve fully done up a nursery for the baby (new flooring/new colour paint/ and set it up) it’s honestly beautiful plus they surprised me with the best car seat and pram on the market. They also are able to provide emotional and financial support as I am going through university (i am 21 and had a good job before so I have my own savings, my parents have just offered to buy essentials for baby and make sure we’re catered for). And as much as I loved him and want our baby to grow up in a family unit, I think being at my parents is the best option for the baby. She will be fully loved and appreciated, and definitely cared for.

I’m not saying I don’t want him to have not have any rights to her at all. She’s still his child too but I feel like he needs to really grow up and step up before being responsible for a baby. I’m just worried and protective. I love my baby so much already and I just want to make sure she’s always in the best and loving environment. I am just worried about leaving a newborn in his care if we go to court over custody agreements.

Has anyone dealt with a similar situation?

Disclaimer * we didn’t mean to fall pregnant, and yes we were using protection.