So this might be TMI but I'm kinda stumped on how to handle it or if I'm being selfish.

I enjoy bdsm (being tied up, choked, spanked ect.). I like being a sub and having a dom. My husband isnt into it. He is more into like normal stuff, the "kinkiest" he likes is light spanking and some doggy style. I'm starting to feel like I'm not getting what I need and am not being fully satisfied even when I orgasm. We have only been together for almost 5 years, married 4 and I dont want this to start effecting other parts of our relationship. We have tried multiple times over the years to fit it in some so I get what I want out of sex too. The last time we tried he stopped like 5 minutes in bc he had gone flaccid and just said he wasnt in to it. Since then we have talked about it when not being intimate and he said he had no want or need to participate in it again. I tried to open the conversation again later but he just got frustrated and said he hated it bc he wants me to do work too. Now he is scared I'm going to find other ways or people to get my needs met and if I even start trying to discuss it he bring his fear up and tells me not to bring it up again.

We work together really good and communicate well with most other things, but this is one thing I'm having an issue with.

I'm not sure how to handle the situation. Any advice would be great. I have kept this anonymous bc he has the <a href="https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.glow.android">glow app</a> too bc we are currently facing alot of fertility issues and it helps us both log and keep track of everything.