I was sexually assaulted..

I really should be talking to my therapist about this but I don’t have an appointment till next week and it’s eating at me.. so years ago the summer before 9th grade I was sexually assaulted while I was sleeping by my brothers friend (who is the same age as me). I woke up because I felt something warm and realized he was rubbing me. I was scared so I tried my best to stay still and act like I was still asleep but I guess I flinched because he stopped. I waited maybe 5 minutes and then acted like I was gradually waking up and then I got up to go to the bathroom. As soon as I got off the bed I realized what was warm. I was wet, it felt like I had pee’d my pants. I waddled to the bathroom because the feeling made me sick. I cleaned up and went back to the bedroom and I acted like I didn’t know anything had happened cause I didn’t want it to be awkward cause I have to go to school with him and I didn’t want to tell my dad. After all he just touched me outside my pants while I was sleeping, I told myself it wasn’t a huge deal. Fast forward years later and the thought of what he did to me passes through my head and I start to feel really violated and angry and sad. I want to cry but I don’t want to have to tell my husband this. I don’t know that he didn’t go in my pants, I don’t know that he didn’t lift my shirt. What if he stuck himself inside me? Why couldn’t I just speak up? I don’t know what all happened to me and I never will. I never understood why women speak up years after an assault until now.

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