Not home for the holidays

I know a lot of people can relate to this. This year I’m going to see my very mormon very conservative family and it’s another year in the closet. I’m bi/gay still confused not yet out of high school and once again going to see my family. Over the years I feel they have grown to not like me anyways other reasons but I am very detached from my own blood family. Emotionally absent grandfather and uncle and I can never figure out why it makes me feel like I did something wrong and I know I haven’t. Last summer I went to visit them and I came home feeling awful, they were openly homophobic transphobic and racist all in about a week of me being there and I decided it wasn’t okay for me to come out to them. I often cry and have breakdowns over the fact that none of my family members at all on either side and my parents would or could ever accept me and I have been in a really dark place lately because of it. Another year of this I don’t know how much I can take. I don’t know how to cope. My whole heart goes out to anyone feeling this way💗