Feeling guilty😭

I’m a FTM and I want to give up nursing so badly! I have always wanted to nurse since ages ago but now that I am it’s so hard! Since the beginning of my daughters birth it was complicated. She was sent into the nicu and took the bottle very easily. I have tried nipple shields because she would not latch on. And now that I have discontinued them she doesn’t latch and when she does it hurts like hell! I have turned to pumping to help cope that I may soon give up breastfeeding but every time I don’t breastfeed my mom nags me about how I should breastfeed instead of pumping and that breast is best. Which I get her reasoning but honestly I think fed is best! I’m feeling guilty and think I might just be selfish if I stop breastfeeding! I’m honestly so confused on what to do anymore😔