Well...today is the day

It’s almost 9 a.m. sitting here watching my youngest still asleep. My first appt is today, it’s been scheduled since October so it’s been a long wait of no answers. With no answers that leaves lots of worry and lots of questions but it also gives you no information to think about and no hard decisions for you to face immediately. There’s worry in the unknown but at the same time there’s a peace not knowing. Double edge sword.

If anyone has read a prior post then you already know that this appt is a scary one that won’t be a typical OB appt. I fall into a very high risk cateogory, one that caused a serious near fatal medical emergency at 25 weeks along in my last pregnancy that almost took not only my life but almost baby’s as well. It’s never good when the ICU and hospital has a team of specialists circled around your bed discussing very quickly whether to focus on saving baby or you. What a hard decision that must be. Luckily I had a great team that put a lot of thought into everything and reacted timely and effectively and we’re very blessed to be here. I am forever thankful they were there!

With that any other family plans were taken off the table and we were just focused on recovering and being thankful for the family we were lucky to have. I still continue to take lovenox daily and other medications that will be lifelong now and see several drs to monitor everything. pregnancy was strongly discouraged and honestly we were at peace with that and just enjoying our children. I had an IUD placed and just focused on getting better and healing. During routine labs that I have to have done every couple months now, the hematologist found levels in my labs that were possibly consistent with a tumor, and decided to rerun the labs with other specifics. When he reran them he confirmed it wasn’t a tumor but that I was pregnant. I had no signs or symptoms and was shocked. They were a bit panicked but kept telling me it would probably be okay, they upped my lovenox to high dosage and wanted me to get into OB ASAP. This was in October. Not knowing how far along or anything because of the irregular cycles I’ve had since the medicines etc. OB is one of the only high risk in the area but due to other medical providers leaving and taking on their patients they were booked until today.

So today I go in, not sure exactly what’s ahead other than a dating scan and confirmation. I’ll finally know how far along. Not sure if labs will be run today or just sent over from hematology. But a lot of hard decisions and conversations are ahead today that I’m not sure I’m ready for. I’m sure options will be given, risks weighed, and recommendations not to move forward with the pregnancy because the risks being so great. It is hard to weigh when you know it can be life threatening and you’re looking at your 3 children and wondering well what if we tried and it didn’t go well. Scary. And it’s also hard to think you might have to choose. How do you choose between your child and yourself without automatically putting your child above you?

Today is hard. It’s not until 2pm. It’s been so great watching and reading along with you guys and seeing your photos. Today I hope I have a photo and wish I was more excited but knowing what we’re facing is pretty scary honestly. I’ll be praying for all you guys that are waiting and wondering I know how that feels. I’ll update this evening. ❤️