Giving up

I just need to vent. We’ve been TTC for one year. We have a 3yo that was an absolute miracle. I have PCOS and have maybe had 6 periods in 5 years. When I got pregnant with my son, I had not had a period in a year. I “spontaneously ovulated” and got pregnant. Everyone around me is getting pregnant. My friend just told me today she was pregnant. I’m so happy for her but I’m so sad. My sister in law is pregnant also. It’s so hard because I want this so badly. I’m not okay. After my friend told me today she was pregnant, she went home and I went to the bathroom and just broke down. Why isn’t it me too?! I told my husband today I’m thinking about going on birth control again because I’m so over this. So over thinking every little symptom making me think I’m pregnant. I randomly get crazy symptoms and think this is for sure it. Nope. Nothing. Just my stupid body. My doctor has prescribed me medicines, nothings working. I’ve lost 30 pounds. Nothing. No ovulation, no periods. I’m just feeling so defeated. I’m losing my faith. Nobody understands. I’m just not okay. 💔