I don’t know how to feel after being with my ex for so long and him cheating and hitting me the main thing I wanted to do was get away. Now that we aren’t together he’s playing these back and forth games with me that he loves me and wants to be with me and he can’t choose between me and another girl. I want him to hurt cause I want him to feel how I felt scared and ashamed. I want him to have to cover up his bruised face with make up and and have miscarriages because he was getting dragged and was stressed, but he’ll never go through any of that. I was only 19 when I met him and I was happy and fresh and excited and I feel like he’s ruined me, I came to college to grow happily but instead I sat by myself and held everything in no one to talk to and he didn’t care to listen it was always my fault. I know I need help but my school counselors aren’t any help at all. I don’t want to be here any more. My entire being was him. I can’t breath I can’t feel I can’t do anything and if I was to tell him he would always say “this is not a movie” I know it’s not a movie but this is how I genuinely feel. I was only good for laying on my back and if he was mad he would fight me and then ask me to have sex with him and I would. I hate myself. I just want all this pain to go away. I’m turning 23 soon and it will be my first birthday without bruises since I’ve been with him.