Can I just rant?

So, sorry for the long post ahead of time, but this is the only place I feel comfortable talking about this topic.

So, at the end of october [25th] I found out that I had miscarried at about 6 weeks. Of course, this being my first and having tried for about 5 months already, I was devastated at this news. Well, fast forward to yesterday (12.06) when all the fun begins.

As is, I am not one of those people to like talking about emotional things, I hide them as much as I can and avoid all conversation because I become an emotional mess. Well, during my sisters baby shower (she found out shortly before I did she was pregnant with her first) my family just had to start.

Now, before I get to the main part of this, I just want to let you know I am very estranged to my family most of the time. Everytime I see them they are just nasty to my husband and I. (When I told my mom I miscarried she said that she wished I wouldn't have told her such a "milestone" over text.

Well, in the middle of opening all the baby gifts, I start to feel a little upset, seeing as I know now I wont have that chance for a while or until I am blessed with my rainbow at least. Well, I walked outside to get some air, and I come back inside and this is when the fun starts.

The first thing my mom does following the gift opening, was look at me and said

"So, I heard about your baby, that was back in like October right?"

So I came back at her with "Um, yeah, but I'd really like to not discuss this here." To which she had the audacity to reply "Yeah, i guess a baby shower isnt the best place to talk about a baby we wont meet"

.....how should one even respond to that? Like, I damn near punched my own mother in the face. After the baby shower, I hung out with a few people whom I actually get along with in my family. But, following THAT stuff, my step-grandmother decided to hound me about how she hasn't seen me in a year and I look sickly. WHY DO I HAVE TO HAVE THE FAMILY I DO?!😞

Dont get mewrong, I am grateful for the love they give (when they feel up to it) but they wonder why i have removed myself for that toxicity...