Overwhelming love

Looking back I didn’t have that immediate rush of love when I had my baby. It’s was more relief- relief that she was well but also relief that I had done it I had had a child. Now I know I had let having a child consume me. The harder it was as the losses mounted up the more I needed it to happen. I never really thought what it would be like I didn’t have the room in my brain for that as well. Of course I was completely unprepared. I know how to look after babies it’s literally my job but I didn’t expect how it would change me, how I would feel. I crashed and burned big time only just avoiding inpatient treatment. Things are better now I’m enjoying looking after my baby. In fact sometimes I worry I love her too much it’s almost overwhelming.