Ugly and fat

I feel very insecure about myself. I’m very ugly and overweight. I wish I was prettier. Everyone at school looks at me like they know I’m fat and I don’t know. Like please I do know I’m fat you don’t have to remind me. When I was in 3rd grade I had a surgery that went wrong so I can’t lose weight. If I could I’d be really tiny. But I can’t. I fucking can’t and my face is not pretty ether and I’m tall. I don’t like being tall and this is all stuff I can’t change and I hate myself very much. I want a gf or someone to date but I never feel worthy because I’m so ugly and when I date someone I feel insecure and never want to go out in public. I hate myself and I want to leave the world. And I can’t get help because I still live under my parents roof and they don’t believe in therapy or any thing oh that kinda they think you should love your self end of story...... I wish I saw it from their view point