I’m pregant with the loml but I have to abort

I am so sad , I am depressed actually sometimes I want to die. I just found out I am pregnant with my boyfriends baby, we are both 20 years old. & let me give you a backstory I have fertility problems , I only have one Fallopian tube I am often prone to cyst. I am morally against abortions... I never thought I can have a baby I was told all my life that I would have difficulty so I just told myself I will adopt when I’m old enough, but now my body has shown me that I can make a baby... but this baby came at the wrong time. We both would love to keep our baby but we know we can’t financially we aren’t ready, my mom always tells me how imma be kicked out if I’m prego (my twin sis was prego before my family disowned & treated her like shit) I would probably miscarry with the stress my family would give me or even just trying to make ends meet for my baby before she comes I already have chronic depression and anxiety. My boyfriend wouldn’t be able to let me stay at his home either his mother wouldn’t allow it. Before this baby we are working on saving to move to New Jersey (since we are in nyc) rent is cheaper but we are no where near moving. I am so sad god told me in a dream that I were to have a baby girl. Me and my boyfriend just have been enjoying our little fantasy of being parents, we’ve only known for 3 days tomorrow I go to the clinic to get the abortion pill I am probably only like 3 weeks. This will be the biggest regret of my life. This is all I wanted all my life to be able to reproduce and now god gave me my wish and I am giving it away I know this abortion will decrease my chances even more, I’m already barely fertile. I am so depressed I wish I was rich to be able to keep my baby, I have a boyfriend who will be there for me no matter what I do but I decided before the baby gets a pulse to abort because we can’t give our baby a good life we struggle ourselves & trying so hard to better ourselves so when we get pregnant again our baby can have everything and live comfortable. It’s my last day being a mom I hope my baby knows how loved they are cause we are so happy I’m enjoying every second being a mom and my boyfriend loves being a dad our fantasy ends tmmr. I hope I can maintain my mental hygiene after this abortion . Something tells me I will be in a very dark hole