But sometimes I really don't want to be pregnant. I got pregnant at the most difficult times of my life. Already have 1 baby by a deadbeat dad who doesn't want a thing to do with him now I'm having a baby by a psycho abuser. I did this to myself I know. I ran so bad from facing what was being thrown at me at the time and I used him as something to cling to. And I regret it. Even through all the abuse I stayed until I found out I was pregnant then I left and his family tells me I'm gonna pay for cutting them out. Idk where to turn. He's left me alone but only because a judge told him to stay away. I'm so lost. I love my babies, don't get me wrong. There's just so much playing against me and I'm scared it's gonna end so badly for us. All because of him. If he would leave me alone like my ex did that would be wonderful but his family pushes him to do things. He told me he was gonna give up his rights and called me back an hour later and told me no that he will fight for his kid. He doesnt have a job, he has medically diagnosed mental issues and I'm afraid after the baby is born he is gonna hurt me and hurt my baby. He is neglectful and physically abusive. God I don't know where to turn. I just needed to vent. Praying God shows me mercy for my mistakes. I've asked for forgiveness. I just pray it all goes good and my babies are safe. :'(