Got into a relationship when I was 16. It started out good and his reputation was good too. Everyone loved him, they still do. He was charming but young and very stupid but I thought with years he’d mature. He showed vulnerability when his ex tried to spread rumors and I just wanted to protect my friend. We became a couple a bit later (it occurred to me that he just assumed, he didn’t even ask). We had our problems the first few years. On and off but he was kind and nice so all’s good, right? There were signs of insecurity from him but we were in highschool so that’s normal, right? He’d try to persuade me to dress how he wanted me to and I’d shut him down till he stop so I thought he got it. He’d visited his friend’s house till late but she was from a straight lace family so nothing happened but it hurt me. I didn’t want him to, because All his friends were girls and All of them had liked him at one point. Five years of a constant relationship. Five, filled with his subtle manipulations and disrespect for not just me but my family. But hey, he was a good actor. We talked about marriage and he talked about our future. Through our relationship he would touch me even when I was uncomfortable and even in public. And then he convinced me that I wanted to have sex with him and that it’s how his love language was. Then he stopped being so subtle. He’d push, and “persuade” and eventually I gave up.... He’d apologize that it happened and tell me he did it because he loved me and that it was For me. Then he got comfortable, he’d be snarky and cruel whenever I brought up something that he did that hurt me, he’d manipulate me using my words and my love for him. The last time he had me, he made me bleed and he didn’t even notice. At the end of it all I asked him why. Why did he do that to me. He knew my history and that when I was younger I was sexually assaulted so why. And you know what he said. He said it was because he had no self control, he couldn’t hold back because it was me, and that it was All because of carnal desire.

I pushed him out, told him to leave me alone. Told him never to talk to me or see me again. I blocked him on everything and you know everything should hurt from all those years but that’s not what bothers me. He said all the right things when a couple is breaking up but it was his tone. I hate him for what he did to me I don’t even have an once of love left nor do I care.

His tone though had no remorse for everything he did. He tone and his words.... he still believes that he did nothing wrong and that I still care and that I’ll come back, and he was so sure of that.

I’ll never forgive him. Dream on.