I don’t want to die, I want to live

I self harm because it makes me feel like I have control, it makes all the mental stress and hurt go away. It turns all that mental pain into physical pain.

I am currently trying to stop, I’m seeing a a therapist and she tries to help me as much as she can. The road to recovery for me is slow, so I still self harm at times where I can not control my sadness, my guilt or my anger.

I used to tell my boyfriend every time I self harmed as he requested. Recently he has been blaming himself for it and it has put him in a very dark place. It is not his fault whatsoever and he has never done anything but help.

I feel guilty for telling him, but I also feel guilty for not telling him. I’m not sure what to do. Should I stop telling him when I self harm and possibly make him feel better but he will think I’m not doing it anymore? Or should I keep telling him but possibly hurt him more and put him Into the same position as me? Please help ❤️ thank you for reading