This will be our 3rd baby. Originally I wanted a large family and so did my husband. Now he says 3 is enough and he doesn't see himself with more than 3 kids. Fine, but then he wanted me to get my tubes tied. I told him I wouldn't because I'm still young and things can happen. He refuses to wear a condom. I told him he can get a vasectomy, after all a vasectomy is reversible and the chances of getting pregnant after having your tubes tied is a lot slimmer after a tubulars reversal. Well he refused the vasectomy, which I knew he would. I also didn't want to get my tubes tied because this will be my 3rd vaginal delivery, which would mean I would have to undergo surgery after delivering the baby, and I'm just not about the surgery part. But then I got thinking...

My husband and I's marriage has always been rocky.. originally I thought no way in fucking hell am I getting my tubes tied what if one day we don't work out and I get remarried. But then the other day I thought to myself, how would my children feel if one day we didn't work out and I did get remarried and decided to start a family. Would they think I was trying to replace them? That's pretty much how I felt when my dad and mom split and my father got remarried and started a new family. And now I'm actually considering getting my tubes tied at the age of 23. It's kind of bittersweet, I really did want more kids and I especially wanted a boy. This is girl number 3 for us. But my husband doesn't want anymore children. And if god forbid we couldn't make things work, I'd never want my children to feel replaced.

I just don't know if I'm making some huge decision that I'm going to regret.