So it’s been four months since our miscarriage, and it’s bizarre how it has all effected me. I’ve struggled so hard to put my feelings into words, but I think I need to for my own sanity....so here it goes. Never would I ever think that I’d be affected so much by something, someone, this little tiny being with only weeks of existence. This tiny little guy or gal that grew inside me for ten weeks, only to essentially disappear into thin air....but I’m still so affected. I feel it so deeply, no matter how hard I try to rationalize what happened, or try to move past it. I knew it would be hard, I knew I’d have my moments of strength and moments of sadness, but I simply had no clue how much it would stay with me. I’m not distraught, I’m not angry, I’m not depressed, just in awe, humbled even by the entire thing. Four months later, we’re still trying for our rainbow, and I still don’t know how to feel at this point about what happened....I just know that I will always feel deeply affected by it, and I’m 100% okay with that. I hope I never lose this “feeling”. I’m grateful to at least have this “feeling” bc I had the chance to carry that little guy or gal.