Advice?? Anyone?

Question

So my fiancé’s mom made a comment about not being in the delivery room for her daughters. I don’t want her in there. But I feel like I can’t have my own mother in there because it would make her feel bad. But I also feel like she is trying to guilt trip me into allowing that. I also have made comments to my fiancé that I can’t trust her to babysit. She drinks fireball and beer every night and smokes in the house and I don’t want my baby around that. We also have family friends that are going to be our babies third grandparents and she is mad because our baby is allowed to call them grandma and grandpa too. I am trying to like her for my fiancé’s sake but honestly I just can’t stand her. I don’t want my child around that kind of negative person but now everyone is yelling at me telling me to suck up my pride and allow it because it’s his mother

Answer

You’re the one giving birth, so you decide who’s there other than the father. If you want your mom there, then have her there. If you don’t want your mil there, don’t, and don’t let her guilt trip you. She is not entitled to be there.

Answer

It sounds like the decision is already made, you just need to enlist your fiancé in helping you make this conversation easier.

Answer

The hospital where I delivered only allowed two people in the room with the mother. At all the birth classes I went to, the nurses said “let us be the bad guy” and use that as an excuse to not let people in who you don’t want in the room. Maybe you could tell her only two people are allowed (even if that’s not a rule at your hospital 😬) and that you feel like you’ll need your mom’s support throughout labor?
I only had my husband with me in the delivery room; though I’m super close with my parents I just wanted the experience to be between my husband and I and the new baby. And this way no one felt slighted. This time will likely be the same, though I’m considering getting a doula which would be my 2nd person allowed in the room.

Answer

You are the one giving birth. If you are uncomfortable with having certain people in the room while you are delivering than you should be able to express your feelings and your fiance should be able to back you up. I personally do not want anyone there besides my husband and that is my choice and my family respects that. I can understand why you would want your own mother and not his, mothers and daughters have a special bond, I thought about having my mother in the room but changed my mind only because than my grandmother and other relatives will feel entitled to show up, I know it. I could never have my mother in law in the room while I am trying to push out a baby, it would make me so uncomfortable as much as I love her, I just feel like it's very embarrassing to be so exposed like that.

Answer

Don’t allow her to be there. Only people who make you feel comfortable should be with you during that time. 
Talk to your partner about it and you two talk to your mil. This is a very private event, your body will be exposed, you will be vulnerable, so no one you don’t trust should be there.

Answer

Be firm about it. Why would I want someone not blood-related (and someone i dislike) to be in the same room staring at my private part?!! Its probably the worst pain in my life i ll be experiencing, so I rather have someone I heart to be there who can give me assurance. Tell him nicely. Last resort is ask him if he would allow it if your dad stares at his penis while he masturbating. Its the same logic.

Answer

Nah dont allow it. Have your own mother in there. Dont worry about making her feel bad, because that's going to happen anyway!
Just do want you want and stop trying to spare some drunks feelings.

Answer

Your the one having the baby, she needs to suck it up and deal with that. Maybe in time she can do things different when she does see the baby when around u and earn the trust. I had the same issue and just had to nice about what I wanted and just explained to everyone, no smoking or even having a smoke and holding the baby. If they wanted to hold or be round my child they wouldn't be able to smoke and see them even after.

Answer

Not sure if it’s like this everywhere but Our hospital we told the nurse immediately who to expect in the room and the nurse kindly asked for privacy so you didn’t have to be in an awkward position!

Answer

My mil threw a giant fit up until it was time to push for wanting to be in the room! I personally wanted it to be an intimate moment between my husband and I! PLUS my cooch was wide open for everyone in the room to see so no... I don’t want anyone else in there! 
It is 100% your call! Not your partners or anyone else! You are the one in the uncomfortable/vulnerable position they need to respect it! 
My son is two and there is still only one person I’d EVER trust to watch him and that’s my sister in law!  Mil takes too many pain meds and Xanax and sleeping pills and is oblivious to her surroundings and does not pay attention at all!!! My parents smoke like chimneys and are alcoholics! This kid I would go to prison for so I prefer to have someone I trust watch him so I don’t have to be in that position!

Advice?? Anyone?

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