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It’s best to go ahead and cut her out of your life. She’s an addict. She’s manipulative and she’s toxic. You don’t need her. You don’t need that toxicity around you or your children. It doesn’t matter if she’s your mother or not, she’s toxic and she has to go.
My mom playing victim.
Recently my mom overdosed for the 2nd time in 2 years. Mix of drugs and pills. Well after not getting help the first time, and now reacting as if she wanted to die, i decided i no longer want to bring my kids to her house. She doesn't drive and we recently moved 30 minutes car ride away instead of the 15 minute walk. She never made attempts to come to my house to see them , i always brought them to her. Im currently 9 months pregnant and cant take any more of the hurt. Also i want to do right by my kids, why build this relationship if in an instant she is going to rip it away by continuing her bad choices. Its unfair to us all. My stepdad has a car but always has something to do or refuses to move his car. After the overdose, i met up with her and told her we will not be visiting her house but she is more than welcome at my house. I encouraged her to really seek help... well this was right before Christmas and she bought them tons of gifts and i did not take them over there. This was some few texts i got...
So New years eve i was off work , paid a short visit with the kids to get the damm gifts , because it will never end so i decided to be the bigger person. We did not talk, i left after an hour. I gave in.... now wondering once my baby is born if she will continue to insult me for not beinging the baby to see her etc. Im ready to cut her off almost completely... i go on Facebook and see she been sharing photos like this
Abd posts saying "missing my grandbabies" people commenting where are they. I just cannot mentally do this anymore for the sake of my family. She tries to manipulate the situation like i am out to get her. I explained to her multiple times how I feel and how this is just consequences of her actions. Im lost with what to do at this point because it differs hurt not having my mom , but it hurts having her around. Its a lose lose ... my kids always want to see her and go to her house because i made it a weekly routine to visit.... i stopped because god forbid she does die soon , how will i break it to them at 2 and 3 years old. I dont want them to get used to her if she is just continuing to choose drugs and possibly death over the family. And not seek any help. At least if she tried meetings or took any step, i would feel as though she cared.... anyone have advice ongoing ....?
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Next time you set boundaries, make them firm ones. That means sticking to them. You are allowed to set boundaries to protect yourself and your family. You cannot allow her to manipulate you. You need to make it very clear that you are hurting and realize she is toxic to both you and your children. If she wants to be in your lives, she will need to get real help. Let her know that she is on indefinite time out from your family and the next time you want to talk to her is when she’s telling you that she’s getting help. And anything else from her will be ignored.
Tell her if she doesn’t make a serious dedication to sobriety, she doesn’t get to see the kids. And then stick to it. Let her know you do fully intend to support her through the process (if that’s how you feel) and stick to that as well. But from the messages here it doesn’t look like she’s ready to admit she has a problem, and unfortunately it’s not likely her sobriety will stick, so to speak, until she’s ready. I’m sorry you’re going through this. I hope you’re able to find peace with it all.
I'm also dealing with a family member with a drug problem. My older sister overdosed twice in 2019, shes also super manipulative and toxic. So I kind of know what you are going through. That being said you need to tell her that if she wants to see her grandchildren that she needs to get clean. I know it's hard but if she really loved them and wanted to see them she would make the attempt. If she refuses or tries to manipulate you then cut her out of your life. I know it will be hard for you and especially the kids but once they get older they will understand.
My dad's second wife did stuff like this. She actually ended up killing herself. But instead of with pills like we always thought, she shot herself in the heart. I understand needing to separate yourself from her. But if I was you, I would emphasize my love for her when you speak to her. Let it come from a place of love and not anger or. Your doing the right thing by trying to protect your family and these situations are so hard to deal with. I'm sorry you are going through it. I had lots of regrets because I felt as though I could have communicated my love for her more. That's where my advice is coming from.
I'm sure you would want nothing more than for your kids to have a close relationship with grandma, but HER choices have forced you to put their safety first.If you don't want to cut her off I completely, then have a very limited relationship with her. Short phone or video calls, and see her at someone else's home or a public place, maybe once a month, or three months, whatever feels safe for you. I do this with my toxic father, when we speak on the phone we spend 10-15min catching up, but the second he starts with his BS, I find an excuse to get off the phone. By not engaging I don't give him the space to manipulate me anymore. If he respects me, I contact him more often, if not then I pull back until he toes the line.Your mother is being toxic and selfish. Until she understand that you're not doing this to hurt or punish her, she will continue to manipulate you and disrespect your boundaries. Not everything is about her, this is about protecting the kids.
Okay so this is hard for me. I have two things I like to say. One. I have lost both my stepdad and dad. My dad passed when I was 14 less than a month before I turned 15. About a year before he passed I had not seen him for about 3 years. That in its self is a long story. I had many year of guilt wishes I had not lost the 3 years I could have had with him. His mom passed away and I didn’t even know because she cut us off after he passed. I never really know her will. Again long store. My point is you never know the time you will have with someone. I always say to cherish the time you can have. Two. Okay now that that is said. I would never let someone I know that has a big drug problem be around my child! They would not see them or know them. As my son mom it is my job to keep him safe. If that means I have to cut that person out of my life I would. I don’t care who they are. Your mom is very wrong. She needs to clean up her life if she wants to see the children. I’m sorry she is pointing you in this place but if the only reason you don’t want her to see the kids is because you don’t want them to hurt if she dies is (to me) not far to them. I don’t agree that if she wants to see them so bad she can found a way to get to you. Not you always going to her!! All that said if I was you I would cut her off tell she cleans up her life! 
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