My husband and i have been together for 4 years. We got married when i was 19 (I'm now 22) and were so happy at first.

After marriage he started to change, became more grumpy and so lazy. He no longer wanted to go out and would rather spend the day sleeping until he was ready to go to the gym or shops (that was our time out together)

He became rude though and said and did hurtful things and we fought more often, but he always tried to fix any fights before we went to sleep at night.

A year ago an old friend got in contact with me. Hes brought up old feelings i had for him. I never have acted on those feelings and never would whilst married but i still feel them and think what my life would have been like had i of chosen him instead of my husband. We talk often now lile we used to and he knows all about my husband, Hes even offered to ask a friend of his to help me out as he thinks my husband is emotionally abusive to me but i refused.

I know some of the things my husband has done to me could be seen as and are abuse but i can't leave him. His family have threatened him that he will not be part of their family if he ever hurt me. My mum loved him so much before she passed away and was so happy for me. Hes quit his job to study for a better future for us.

I constantly feel like crap but I can't think of what to do, I'm terrified of losing anyone (thats a big phobia of mine that was made worse after losing my mum) and there are times he does make me happy even if more often he upsets me. I just feel lost and alone, i know the smart decision is leave him but im scared. What if he tries to take everything in a divorce, or what if he hurt me because he was angry about a divorce. Im so lost and just needed to vent.