my heart hurts

Warning Talks about pregnancy and miscarriage

So it’s my birthday today ‘yay’

I’ve been feeling abit rubbish because a lot has been on my mind about a missed miscarriage I suffered last year , still upsets me I really wanted the baby and my first scan I went to it was pronounced deceased (no heartbeat) I had to go through an ‘abortion process’ to expel the baby because i was at risk of an infection.

Today- my birthday- my brothers girlfriend has just came in my front room with her first scan pictures of her and my brothers baby. She’s 11 weeks and was passing the photo around seeing everyone admiring it as they do and it came to me to see the photo and my heart just broke I had to leave the room I’m currently sobbing alone and I feel so mad and jealous especially on my birthday it feels like a kick in the teeth when will this get easier ? I want to be happy for them but I just can’t seem to be