why is it that you have a SO and you still feel so lonely? why is it that everything you do you feel like a berden? why when you wanna leave they find a word/frase and you just end up staying?

im just emotionally, mentally, and physically tired. i have been having thoughts of suicide and ways to end my life but everytime im about to go thru with it my son comes into mind. why does this have to be so hard? i am so tired of the physical verbal and mental abuse i get from my so call husband. i really need someone i havent had a friend in over 7 years and im just so torn and so broken inside i just wanna die and not be a burden or be hurt all the time