Bf troubles.

Whenever my bf(of 4 years) says something to hurt me or says something hateful...i get upset naturally. But then he gets mad at me and even uglier when i text/call wanting to talk about what happened. I have a soft heart and hate fighting so I always try to work things out first, even if he was the one who hurt me..then he ignores me for days. Currently on day 2 of ignoring me. Not that I have messaged him, he just hasn't reached out. We aren't kids. We are 30. With a long history.