depression

so i’ve been depressed for a while now and it’s really tearing me down like i can’t do it anymore i don’t ever want to talk to anyone or be around anyone like when people ask me what’s wrong i just say i’m fine so they will leave me alone and i really want to talk to my mother about this but she thinks i’m ok and that i’m enjoying life when i’m really actually not like sometimes i wish i was never born like i’m not suicidal or anything i just wish i never happened and i talk to my boyfriend about this and him being the only person i talk about this with makes me want him to give me emotional support but instead he’s kind of mean about he try’s to tell me that i can change if i actually tried and also i never like EVER talk about how i feel so i don’t make anyone else feel bad or down so when i talk to him i just expect him to be there for me and hold me and tell me it’ll be okay but he doesn’t like i don’t want to hear that i want him to just be my shoulder to cry on, to tell all my business to but i really can’t do that and i feel really alone and lost in life right now and i don’t know what to do about it