So, I suddenly realized I'm really scared to do infertility testing. I'm not afraid of the results so much as the tests themselves. I also no longer feel like having babies. Birth sounds horrible and I want to avoid it. I don't know if it's fear or if I'm just done and fed up with TTC. I'm also relieved my period come. We have been trying for a baby for several years and up to this point I felt prepared and ready to do whatever needed done, but this month I no longer want to. I no longer want to deal with any of this stuff and just want to go have fun and not worry anymore about babies ever again. I want to go on trips and see places and have sex whenever I want to or not. I don't care how many babies the woman down the street has. I want to be free. This burden is too heavy and I want it gone. I've grown tired of waiting and having a broken heart with smashed hopes every month. I'm still afraid I'll never have any children, but freedom sounds wonderful. I've had so many people say enjoy that activity while you can because once kids come...

I've lived my whole life around children. Trying not to enjoy too much freedom so I'm prepared for when they arrive for my husband and I, but I'm so over it now. I want freedom and fun!!!!! I want to do only what I want to do. I also want to cry because I have no babies or children. I want to mourn the loss of my dream. Is this a normal reaction to TTC for years?? What's wrong with me?? I feel as though I'm soon guessing my entire married life.

Thank you tip all who made it through my post and thank you for any help you may have for me.