PTSD black out?

Question

About a year or so ago I was in an extremely unhealthy relationship. All I remember is that I wasn’t fight him to get off of me when he raped me so I still struggle with calling it rape. It’s like I was watching it from above. I wasn’t really there. I can’t even remember what age I was at the time which you are probably thinking just figure it out but I literally can’t. I don’t know how to explain it. Does anyone understand me?
I just need clarity. Please.

Answer

I’ve been there. For me it was like I was in the rafters watching through a haze.

Answer

There are things I have trouble remembering. 
How old was I exactly when my ex’s father sent men after me at 3:00 AM, in the dead of night, while I lay sleeping in his son’s house alone? I don’t remember. 21 or 22. I can’t remember. What I do remember is hiding, running through the house in the dark. The fear, in snapshots. The sound of footsteps, and my heartbeat. A voice: “he said she would be here...” 
It’s not abnormal not to be able to recall details, even general ones like the year.
At the end of the day, if you were coerced or otherwise forced into a sexual encounter which you didn’t want to be a part of then you were sexually assaulted, and rape falls under the category of sexual assault. 
If you can’t remember what month or year something happened because your memories are blurring together, take a breath. If you feel safe to do so, you can use clues to pinpoint the where and when of certain events. It takes a lot of energy to comb through years of unrelated events just to re-assemble a picture your mind has smashed multiple times over. A picture you don’t want to see. It may take help, from others who were around you at the time. I haven’t had much luck with therapy but I’m not sure it’s a matter of luck, and I’d be remiss if I didn’t say that this is possibly best done under the care of a professional. But your experience is no less legitimate if you haven’t or even if you ultimately don’t fit those pieces together. ♥️

PTSD black out?

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