Am I a horrible person?

Ginny • Happily married 💍 Unexplained Infertility complicated with Endometriosis stage 2 x 3 years 🙄 1 sweet angel babe 👼🏻 Rainbow babies finally on the way! 🌈 due August 2021!

After another month of a negative pregnancy test I’m reminded that I’m getting one month closer to our would be due date and another month further way from experiencing a pregnancy and getting our rainbow baby.

I can’t help but feel like I’m a horrible person and that I did something to deserve this.

Does it make me a horrible person to not be happy with my cousin who is due the first of March? She has always acted like she is better than everyone, two faced judge mental person and stuck her nose in the air and bragged about not having sex till she got married. She got married June 15th and is due March 1st. She’s also 3 years younger than me and bragged about “we aren’t having kids for 5years”. She honestly thinks we’re all idiots and can’t do the math..and to my entire family it’s like she walks on water and has been treating her like she is the only one on the planet for the past two years (since her engagement)...My husband and I have been married for almost 3 years, trying for 2 years to have a baby, a miscarriage, surgery, tests and fertility appointment to be told “you’re young there’s no reason for you to be having trouble, sorry maybe you need to be more patient”

Am I horrible for wanting it to be my turn? Does it make me horrible that I want to experience a pregnancy and it to be me and my husbands moment after everything we’ve been through?