Insecurities, not good enough, not skinny, working out, loosing the person you most love, giving too much and in return nothing, can’t help feeling jealously, perfection, beauty, sacrifice, stability, unable to feel,acceptance.

These things is troubling my soul and I don’t know why I feel as if I need to be perfect all the time, or have to fight for love. It’s a battle within myself and I feel like I’m loosing. Every little thing bothers me, I am scared to give it my all, I feel out of control, and maybe I’m just a toxic person. I’m in a relationship and I always bring up things that have hurt me in the past, on beautiful days it’s on my mind. I can’t help but to remind him and make him pay for the pain he put me through. Yet I’m the one who should pay bc I wasn’t good enough. If I was perfect, beautiful, skinny then maybe he wouldn’t have looked somewhere else. Maybe if I was different this wouldn’t have happened. But why me? Can’t I just be left alone, I’m always in the wrong and I will never be right. Maybe I haven’t accepted myself. I don’t know if i ever will. I’m just not good enough and it shows my bf can’t even keep his eyes off an Instagram picture and I’m letting that define me, I am becoming my worst self, im being eaten alive by my thoughts, I just want to be loved fully. Maybe I need to start with myself