I need to just vent and let this all out. I feel heartbroken, defeated, like I’m waiting for something that will never come. Last year we talked about starting to TTC. He wasn’t ready so we waited, I was ready and have been ready for years, so I’ve been letting him take control since he is still not sure. There was always a reason like moving, starting new jobs, etc. well now there is literally no material reason. We are stable, living very comfortably. This is the best time in our lives because everything we worked our lives for is here and happening. we got the dream jobs, we got the dream house, we are so happy in our relationship. I brought the convo back up last night to see where he stands (we haven’t talked of this in 5 months so I figured enough time has passed to ask again). Well he said he still isn’t ready. He said he doesn’t “feel” ready and it scares him. He said that is the sole reason he will not try. Guys I’m heart broken. Of course I will wait, but I’m suffering in silence here. I wish he wanted this as bad as I do. I don’t want him to just say yes to make me happy, I want him to WANT it as bad as I do 💔💔 my entire life is built around being a mother and having kids. Literally everything I’ve worked for and have is to be able to have a family and make them a priority while still being able to live. Kids have been my motivation for over 10 years. I know what I want. And he knows how I feel about this, I’ve been open since day one so this isn’t a surprise to him. I feel so lonely not having a family to take care of. I’m done trying to fill this void with hobbies and crafts. Nothing can fill this desire other starting a family. And I’m don’t pushing my desires down but I literally can’t do anything about it 😭😭😭 No amount of “talks” Will change this. He seen me at my most vulnerable crying my eyes out day in and day out over this. And it just makes it worse because I have PCOS so God knows how long it will take us to actually conceive.

I also just completely lost my sex drive. I don’t even want to be intimate because all I can think about is wishing for a baby.

And I feel like I’ve sacrificed so much for him. I left behind an entire life that I build to move across the country so he could start his dream job. I literally gave up everything around me, everything I busted my ass for, everything that I built, I left it all behind after only a year of enjoying the fruition of my hard work. Also that I could support him in his dreams and his desires. There’s so much more to it, I just feel like the sacrifices I making out of love for him is more than he’s willing to give me. He is making me 100% shun away my whole hearts desire because he is “not feeling ready” well guess what? I wasn’t ready to give up seven years of hard work to move across the country, but I did it. I got the help I needed so that my emotional state wouldn’t jeopardize or get in the way of achieving his goals. And now I feel like after I did all that, he’s pretty much telling me to suck it up and wait it out.

💔💔😭😭😭💔💔