Weight Conscious

So I normally dont post stuff like this but I'm struggling.

I was 135lb before I got pregnant with my son. I gained like 45lb with him during my pregnancy. Dropped down to 145lb because of BF and then my weight jumped right back up and I'm 175lb.

I was LITERALLY going to start keto and a workout regime the DAY I found out i was pregnant.

I hate myself. I hate my body and how fat I let myself get.

And now that I'm pregnant again, I know I'm just going to gain like crazy.

Is anybody else in the same boat? I just feel so helpless. I have been walking and working out when I feel okay but 1st trimester is kicking my butt. I feel lazy and worthless and just feel like I can literally feel the pounds packing on already.

Sorry for the total whine fest but I just don't have anyone to complain to and it's eating at me (ha).