Y'all okay, I think I've been in denial for years. I'm 30 years old and I have a social anxiety. I hate talking to people but I love it at the same time.

It takes me a while to warm up to people and then once comfortable I become a yapper. No not really but I'm comfortable with talking.

Situation:

I took my 5 and 2 year old to a public park yesterday and there were a ton of other kids and parents, in my mind I'm thinking "oooo shit, I don't want to talk to anyone." Well an hour goes by and the crowd dies down and I become relaxed. At this point only my children, me, with a mom, husband, and their son no older than 2 were at the swings. I take my kids to the swings and soon after they want to do something else. (My kids are all over the place but it's to be expected) before I could walk away this mom strikes up a conversation with me and I start freaking out internally !!

She was asking how old are my girls and I told her and then all hell breaks loose 1 of 2 things ALWAYS happens to me. I either become extremely friendly and funny (can't stop smiling and thinking of funny things to say) OR I become very fidgety and starting stuttering. This time was the smiling non stop. I found a good stopping point and told her I needed to catch up with my kids as they were a little too far and she said okay and I power walked away!

As I'm walking away she said something and I pretended to not hear. I felt so awful for that!! I thought about going back but couldn't work up the nerve!

Any tips on how to get over this?