Breast fed my 2nd baby but not my first and I feel guilty...

Lucy • Bay Area Mami👨‍👩‍👧‍👦💍

Idk, my two kids development is so different... when I had my first child I didn’t know what the fuck to expect or what the fuck to do... I knew I wanted to breastfeed tho.... so I did! I had a pump, breastpads, maternity bras, everything... unfortunately my supply was whack! I had no appetite, no knowledge of breastfeeding, and my daughter wouldn’t latch because my nipple wouldn’t stick out. I pumped what I could and kept trying with that plastic nipple thing to help breastfeed and eventually stopped because 1) my supply was so low it was depressing 2) I had no knowledge of what I was doing or supposed to do and 3) everyone made me feel so bad that I had turned to my BD to start getting formula, including him because everyone kept telling him I should be breastfeeding and his vibe and body language showed he agreed and it made me feel even less.... so then, after my first month I completely went with formula from there on out... then regular milk when she was 1....

When i was pregnant with my 2nd baby, I did tons of research on breastfeeding, something I wish i would have done with my first... when my son came, I was a pumping queen, literally filled my freezer so fast... as the 3rd month came and my baby ate more my supply wasn’t keeping up..... I googled everything, all the tips and tricks.... even started buying all this shit I read could help.. unfortunately it’s just my body that cannot produce enough. I still pumped maybe 1ounce or less per boob😞 so I did one whole ounce and the rest of the bottle was formula, then by month 4 I was using only formula... My son enjoyed my breast milk and he is so much healthier and stronger than my daughter was at the same stages in life.. I can’t help but feel guilty seeing the differences and feeling like I didn’t give my daughter the best! Like my daughter missed out on what breast milk can give like the nutrients and brain development.. idk.. just a random mom guilt that’s getting to me right now.. I love them both so much and definitely equally. I wish I prepared myself more for my first born precious baby because I feel like I messed up on her and got everything more right with my second just because of the experience. Someone please tell me they felt the same way before😫

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