just need advice plz

i have bad pcos i havent had period since oct. anyways y sister is pregant with her third and im kinda jelous but anyways sometimes i want a bby but other times i dont my last pregncy i didnt like was my heart always speed pounding i felt bad when that happened. and another is i cudnt breath to well i always had find somewhere to sit down to take a break.. but the pain i dont like lol but has any of u felt like u want a bbay and then u dont???