I don't know when the last time we actually made love. It's harder now knowing what I know. That I'm just the monster that has been created in this mess. I don't understand what my purpose is. I've lost sight in this marriage. Because now I'm fighting to just have a say in things. I don't know how to bend when I'm already broken. I hate my job. The one I have now. I hate coming home to someone I can barely feel. I've lost sight of reality. Is what he is saying real or for the moment. I'm go back and forth in my head because now I feel unsettled. I'm not confident in what we have, again we haven't made love, we fuck-ed, but how far down the road was that, uhmm maybe a month, maybe longer. Little does he know I'm falling further away from him. Fucking myself just to fall asleep. Fucking myself then a glass. Then Another glass, before I know it, I'm Looking down another bottle. He is wondering. And I know it. Looking at thighs and ass of someone else's bitch. But I suppose to be okay with that, pray for him while I fuck myself. While I take him back. While I lay here sexually frustrated, miserable . He sleeps, he snores. Like I said we haven't made love in a while.................. Little does he know his wife is falling apart.