So my boyfriend and i have been together for about 9 months now we started dating back in the summer of 2019. We live together and actually have been talking about getting married in June of this year. We’re both in the military and stationed on the same base together so visting family has been kinda hard for both of us. He lives about 4 hours from where we are stationed unlike me i have to fly acrozz the US to visit home. He took me home with him back in October and i got to meet his parents and I’ve tried going again but my work schedule is crazy and it hasn’t really worked out for me to go again yet. He went home for Christmas and i stayed back since i had to work for the holidays and he acted kinda strange when he came back but i just rubbed it off thinking maybe he was homesick since he hadn’t been home for a couple of months. (Now i know why cause he was talking to that girl from his snapchat)

He flew home with me for new years to meet my parents and family which he hit it off with them really well, my parents liked him which i found odd because my parents are really picky about who i bring home especially my mom (They absolutely did not like my Ex) so it was nice that they approved. When we got back everything was going good. I had gotten moved to a night shift which kinda threw off our schedule and i didn’t get to see him as much because we were on opposite schedules. I had noticed a couple of days ago that he started to act kinda strange, everything had been fine between us except for the fact that i had been called into work almost every day this past week so i hadn’t seen him for like 3 days straight which sucked. But i noticed that when we would sleep together he wouldn’t cuddle me as much or when i wanted to have sex he would give in and have sex with me but it just felt like he wasn’t into it.

So last night i had a feeling to look through his phone which is wierd cause i had never doubted his trust up until last night. I just had a feeling something was off ( i know that’s not an excuse to go through his phone and I’m horrible for doing so but i just had to know) so i went through his phone and everything looked normal there wasn’t anything unusual. Until i opened up his snapchat i was scrolling and i saw this girl he was talking to who i didn’t recognize so i opened the messages and i started to read them. I think they were friends from his old workplace before he joined the military atleast that what i made out from their convo. He has her on his other social media’s ( i checked) but they don’t look like they talk or anything on any other platform. I’m also not sure if she knows he’s with me although he does post pictures of me on social media...

The first red flag was that he apparently had made plans to meet up with her when he had went home for Christmas she sent him her adress and eventually they never ended up getting together. I didn’t take a picture of their covo before of them making plans to get together cause i was tryna to take pictures as fast as i could before he woke up lol. The next red flag was when she had mentioned that he should marry a mexican girl (I’m mexican btw) he said he didn’t have anyone to get married to and all the girls he knew were just friends (We had already been together for 7 months at this point)

Next red flag he messaged her last Sunday at midnight i think (i was at work because I’m on night shift) and he told her he wanted to hang out just them two alone he hasn’t messaged her back after that...

I was hurt after reading all of that and i was PISSED i couldn’t go back to sleep i wish i could’ve punched him but i didn’t. Today i pretended everything was okay because i have to work and i only saw him for a couple minutes before going into work. I asked him if he really cared and wanted to be with me and he said he did and he didn’t want to mess anything up with me because he almost lost me once and he didn’t want to ever loose me because he loves me too much and he went on about how much he cares about me. When he was telling me this i wanted to confront him so bad but I’m waiting for my day off so i can sit down and have an actual conversation with him. I didn’t kiss him goodbye when i left and I’ve been giving him a cold shoulder. I do love him and i want to be with him and work things out but now idk what to do. Is it wrong of me to think this?

****************UPDATE************

Just to make it clear it was most definitely a GIRL for those of you who were thinking it was a guy, idk why she would say no homo i did think that was weird too but yes it was a girl.

So i confronted him about this situation 2 days ago. He told me that he has known this girl since high school and they’re close friends and apparently she has a boyfriend who is friends with him as well. They all used to work together at a grocery store and became close. He did admit to me that he was flirting with her but he had no intention of doing anything with her physically. When i asked him why he did it he told me that he honestly didn’t know why he did it and most of the times when he texted her he was drunk and was just acting in the moment. He does get flirty when he’s drunk but he’s never been flirty with other girls before until now. He apologized and told me that he never meant to hurt me and if he could take it all back he would. He then told me that he would take her off all of his social medias and end all communication with her because he didn’t want to loose me. I told him that i was not going to make him do that because i wanted him to make that choice for himself i didn’t want him to do anything because of me. He then told me that he was going to do that for him because he messed up and shouldn’t have done it in the first place. He went on to tell me he wanted to try to work things out and he would be willing to do anything to save our relationship. I told him that i was confused, hurt, and upset with everything that has happened and wasn’t sure i wanted him back. I told him i needed some space to process everything and during the time that we are apart i wanted him to reflect on everything he did and give me a real legitimate honest explanation for what he did and why he did it (not just because he doesn’t know or was acting in the moment). As well as a reason why i should stay with him and if he truly wants to stay with me. He’s staying with a friend for the time being and i told him i would talk to him when IM ready to talk but for now i didn’t want to see or hear from him. I’m planning to talk to him again in about a week to see what he has to say. I am confused on what i want right now. A part of me wants to stay with him and work things out but a part of me doesn’t. I also don’t want to disappoint everyone who’s telling me to leave him if i choose to stay.