Have I cursed myself?

I regret every time I lied and said I never wanted children. Knowing that I have the problems I have, any time anybody close to me brought it up I denied that I would ever want any children of my own. I knew deep down I wanted one but I didn't want to have to go through the pity when people knew I wanted one but couldn't conceieve. Now that I'm actually trying to conceive I feel like I cursed myself. I know it sounds ridiculous but it's how I feel. I would give anything to be a mom 😭