Drowning

I feel like I am slowly losing myself and my sanity. I feel like I cant do anything about it. I know I could use coping skills, but I feel too far gone. I don't want to die at all, but sometimes I don't want to live either. Depression is usually described as being sad in bed all day and having no energy for hygiene. I am going through a depressive episode, but I am still highly functioning. I have no choice but to be highly functioning I have a 3 year old to raise, i have a job to work, I am in school full time, and I have to make time for physical therapy due to a car accident awhile ago, and I have a bunch of dentists appointments to make time for to fix my teeth I have been taking terrible care of, and time for psychotherapy (which I've cut down on cause of my schedule). I have so much on my plate and I feel like I'm failing in each area, I don't have time for everything that I do and I overexert myself to compensate. Now I hate myself and feel disgusted with myself for not being who I need to be. Not to mention the weight I've gained in college adds an extra layer of disgust I have for myself. I feel myself sinking, I feel the walls closing in and it's getting harder to fight to breathe and live. Whenever I do take a day off to focus on myself and catch up on sleep, my family calls me lazy and no one understands. I am drowning and I am losing myself and I usually rebound not long after losing myself, but I'm scared that I am drowning too deep to pull myself back up.