Did I make the right decision..?

I’m I in the wrong? I’ve recently gotten married.Its been 6months now. We’ve dated for seven years since the age 16 and known each other since we where 5 yrs old. Cute. But not really. Through out those seven years we’d been on and off. Toxic relationship. Definitely both sides. 2019 Month of January he had broken up with me. He said he didn’t. But really? You do not just not talk to someone for three weeks and expect the other person to just come back to you. In that month I realized I didn’t want to be with him anymore I was done. I learned to love myself completely. I hung out with people. And saw a whole knew perspective in life. His reason of break up was because I attended a church meeting. That’s all it took. Was me going to that with my mom...

I wasn’t willing to put up with that. I am part of the worship team. I play the piano and sing. Been play since 2012 since we started dating.And just began 2019 to sing.

I was just ready to take over the world and just fly. But he contacted me one day and I didn’t reply. Guess that drove him nuts cause he wouldn’t leave me alone. Eventually we met up. He cried like never before. And I was shocked. I really didn’t know how to respond. He had never cried in front of me all these years nevertheless apologize. I felt bad and confused. But he convinced me. Things would change and he was willing to make things work again. I only asked for time to heal and think about it . But obviously it never happened. A couple months later he popped the question. I I was lost for words. I had always wanted to marry this man. Until I realized the pattern and toxic relationship I was in. He was not into church the same way I was. He is antisocial I am very social. But I still said yes. But I still asked for a year to plan the wedding he said no he wanted it 2019 year. So August was the month. The fighting began. The controlling. The past issues of what I’ve done thrown at me. Couldn’t even talk to the males in the worship team. We got into a fight and he asked to see me after work to talk. I okayed. It was a practice day for me.He didn’t like that I had to leave to make it to practice, yelled and said I will always prioritize church and other people more then him. So he took my keys and locked then in the glove compartment. I lost it and tried to fight him for them. But I was to weak. So I missed practice that day..

I realized I didn’t want to marry him for sure. The wedding was being planned everyone else was more excited then me. I tried to avoid all the stupid wedding questions as much as I could. Locked myself my room all the time and slept so much to forget the day was getting closer. The fighting continued I finally told him I didn’t want to marry. Then the guilt talk came in he would take the ring but would still seek me to talk and give it back. I honestly felt like there was no going back. We spoke to our pastors and he said anything is fixable if we both work in it. But no one really did. So day of wedding comes along. There is some fighting that day. It everything continues. It was definitely a very magical day. Fast forward now. We’ve settled into our apt. He continues to say I never do anything for him. Sex is okay I try to imagine something els cause sometimes I can’t get wet. He says I am supposed to give it to him when he wants it. And I had said no at the moment. I suggested later and. he said “never mind’ with an attitude. Now I’m here laying in bed thinking how the hell did I get here. He’s yelled at me very strongly and then hugs and kisses me like never happened. I just want to know if this is even going to last?.. because I’m afraid..