What is wrong with me?

Sometimes I feel like the people around me are lying or hiding something from me. I try to convince myself that I’m just exaggerating but it’s a constant fight between what side to believe in my head. One of them is wrong but how do I tell which one is? I don’t know what the truth is. I have also been extremely unmotivated and lazy. My grades are dropping. I don’t even really care at this point anymore. I hate myself so much. I want to cause damage to my face because I am so ugly. I often think about how it would be like to be someone else, strangling myself. I want to feel what it’s like on both ends. I am not good at anything. I mess everything up somehow. I feel like I have no purpose other than to get through the day. I am a toxic human being that no one will love back. I dont blame them, though. I wouldn’t either. I don’t know who I am or who to be. I am scared of what will become of me.